Beginning of the End

May 22, 2017

Early this morning, I woke sobbing from a terrible dream.  In my dream, I walked into my showroom and discovered it empty.  One of my managers had sold everything in anticipation of closing up shop.   I slowly made my way upstairs to my office.  Once inside there was only a huge bed with white coverings.  I crawled in and wept.  Before I knew it all of my employees were next to me crying a hugging.  I woke up with my face wet with tears.  It was one of those dreams that literally exhausts you and leaves your body with aches.  Ugh, and it was Monday.  I forced myself out of bed and headed to the office, ready to participate in what might be one last team meeting.

As the day progressed, I thought about how this window company started some 27 years ago.  How a boyfriend(later my husband and now my ex) and I once had dreams of owning and operating a successful business.  We had dreams of making a difference in the community, dreams of a huge showroom on a busy, trafficked street near the U of A. Ticker tape thoughts filled my mind.  I remembered all of the odd jobs we held while attending the U of A and working long hours for our own company.  We stocked shelves at the commissary, going in and out of that freezer to grab product.  We worked as janitors, pool cleaners and yes, as the beloved food pusher at the grocery store.  Oh, how I hated that job, but it paid $50 bucks.  Nostalgically, I cried as I thought of how hard we worked, how we poured our hearts into this company.  Our family backing and believing in us every step of the way, even loaning us the capital to start the business.  Our children were raised in this business and worked as installers and telemarketers.  This was our second family.

Wow!  Where did the time go?  Such an emotional day as I thought of how a cherished dream viciously became a nightmare.  It was hard not to become bitter.  Occasionally, thoughts of anger flashed, followed by thoughts of sadness as tears flowed down my cheeks.  Curiously, and somewhat suddenly, thoughts of excitement emerged.  The miracle I was waiting for was not a magical buyer racing to purchase the company, but the miracle was that the doors would be closing. I was starting My Chapter. May 22, 2017, a day before what would have been my mother’s 59th birthday, I severed another tie.  It felt good.  It feels good and it is good.  With a smile, I think, “it’ a  new day!  It’s another first day of a different life!”

On a completely different up note, my daughter bought me lunch. #littleblessingsPlum Windows and Doors (1)

#adifferentlife #divorcerecovery

About 1stdaydiflife

Who am I? I am just a woman who fell in love at 21. I am a woman who bought hook, line and sinker into the 1990"s hype that I could have it all. A woman whose intention was to be a loving and supportive wife, mother and successful career woman. I am just a woman who could only be the best me doing two of the three at any given time. My 3 beautiful children were and are always the first part of the equation.
This entry was posted in Divorce Recovery, healing after divorce, love after divorce and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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