Huge Cracks in the Foundation
September 2013, I sent my youngest daughter off to Brazil for a year. Â She was embarking, at 16 years of age, on a journey to an unknown country, language and family. Â Many asked , “how could I send her off?”, “wasn’t it too hard to let her go?”and to both I answered that this was the chance of a lifetime. Â In reality, it was an opportunity for her to get away from the emotional abuse, cheating and violence that was amping up and becoming more prevalent. Â Although my heart ached for her daily, I was quoted more than once saying, she was living with a family that loved and cared for her and were the better version of The XXX’s[us].
Foundation is Crumbling
September 2014, and the house is falling down around us. All of the cheating, lies and deception are now in open view for all to see. The girlfriend has been exposed and the lies to explain the affair come spilling forth, “I haven’t lived at home in years”, “my wife and I haven’t been together in years”, “she doesn’t understand me, she doesn’t listen”, “SHE is the one who is cheating’. It was painful, trying to protect the kids, whose friends would text with messages that they say their dad at the bar all over another woman. It was painful, trying to hold up one room in the house while the foundation was disappearing below my feet. My Megan has returned home from a life abroad without her family to a family torn apart and to an environment of emotional abuse on steroids. The lying, cheating, stealing now displayed on the front lawn. This was the month, I filed for divorce.
Preparing to Pour the Foundation
September 2015, was a month of laying the foundation, brief celebration and strength. This was a turning point. I had taken control of our company after my ex had driven it to the point of bankruptcy. (That’s another blog on the ways they stash the cash and leave you with the debt) I had passed the test to become a licensed contractor the first go-around and I was extremely pleased with myself. Amidst running a company on a cash only basis(with no cash) and going to court almost daily, I studied for a month in the wee hours and took the test. Being the qualifying licensed contractor was vital to the livelihood of the business. I knew this and so did my ex. Simultaneous to my passing he pulled his QP status with a smug, “now what”.
Waiting for the Foundation to Dry
September 2016, was just tiring. The foundation had been poured, but the process seemed to be at a halt. We were still in court. No one actually leaves a narcissist, they leave you, so we were back in court, Appeals Court. Since his plan to leave me with the enormous debt of a bankrupt company had failed, he was planning on depleting every asset I had. Court is expensive and I had zero alternative but to respond to his endless motions. Although I was nearing litigation exhaustion, other areas of my life were developing and I was experiencing healthy relationships. I was picking the things I wanted in my new home
The Perfect Home: Solid Foundation and No Walls
September 2017, I completely let go of the idea of what the house should look like. Now I concentrate on living a life that I want to live, on my terms with the partner who makes me a better person. This time I look past the glitzy facade, the grand entrance, the big and bold statement. I want simple, less dramatic, real and authentic. This time I am choosing a relationship built on friendship, trust, openness and partnership. It is genuine and raw. My surroundings are simple, but filled with peace, love, laughter, family and community. We are not Barbie and Ken in the Ultimate Dream Home. We are us, imperfectly perfect in a home built for us. No walls necessary.