Divorce is challenging, but divorcing a sociopath is terrifying, confusing and has long-lasting devastating effects. Simply put, You were once the perfect mate and now you are the worst. This behavior you do not leave a sociopath, even if they leave you. Their goal is to destroy you using any means possible, through financial measures, social connections, reputation and/or the ultimate weapon, your children. The message of a sociopath is you are all bad, the tainted one in the relationship. is called splitting and the sociopath is a master at it.
Recently, I stumbled across something that my ex had written to one of my children. At a time when the message should have only been one of pride and support, it was the contrary, a chilling message filled with anger, lies, and hate. Each paragraph was about me and every reference to me articulated my name, not your mother, but my given name. It was weird at best. Normal conversation with your children, even in contentious divorces, is to say your mother… or your father… The forced but deliberate verbal estrangement was not lost on me. The message was clearly defined if you have a relationship with Desiree you will not have one with me.
As I read and reread the hateful, insane paragraphs it filled me with a sadness but I finally truly understood the tremendous confusion my children go through daily and the price they pay to have a relationship with me their mother. To protect their privacy, I will not share the details.
As I began to meltdown, I shared my discovery with my father. His eyes widened as he read, his head shook in stunned disbelief and then sat for a brief second to digest what I had just thrust on him. His first words were “he must have a miserable existence”. He advised me to just laugh off the craziness and let it go. With calm resolute, my father assured me that one day my children will see the truth or more accurately truly see their father for the man that he is. It is difficult as children when we take our parents off the pedestal and see them as people with flaws and more difficult when we see they have severe issues.
Sharing the information with my father brought me back to a time and space when I was the recipient of these The stalking messages of I love you, I hate you, I’m watching you and I’ll get you literally came by the thousands. When the texts initially began my judgment was still clouded, however, as time progressed and I was away from the relationship I understood that the texts, calls, and emails were not normal by any standard. They were sick and terrifying. Often I would let my close friend read them to confirm that I wasn’t crazy or overreacting. The more she read, she herself began to take precaution and encouraged me to do the same. As a trained therapist, she recognized the instability and aggression in the messages. She was afraid for herself and me. The gentle urging by her, my father and a handful of others to report the behavior to the police finally came to a head when I was on a business trip with my new job. The message was twisted and threated to hurt our youngest daughter, not physically but far more cruel. I was shaken to the core and abandoned my job and flew home immediately. He had terrified me just days prior to this business trip, leaving a message on my phone stating our child was in the hospital barely alive and he’d fill me in when he was ready as to her status and location. As a mother this is the worst news you can possibly hear, I frantically called every hospital, my children to find where, what, only to receive a call from my daughter assuring me she was at her father’s house sleeping in the extra bedroom. She was never in the hospital. In reality, he had come home drunk and full of venom and left a message to hurt and strike fear. Sick. When I stopped shaking and crying I realized that I could not take any more of this torture. It was daily, I was living in fear, but still protecting him and keeping the abuse secret. He galavanted around town with phony tales of how much he loved me and how he wanted only to protect the mother of his children, when in fact he was terrorizing me. The police, detectives and the judges agreed. One even shared that I take extra precaution because these were the messages of a sociopath. It was the first time I had heard the term but as time evolved not the last.
Occasionally, I receive a message directly from him meant to upset or strike fear, now the only emotion I feel is sadness. My heart breaks as I see the pain my children are feeling. I taught them to protect and accept this behavior for the sake of the family. I taught them that this was “our normal”. They are all adults now and I am confident that eventually their confusion and fear will resolve, boundaries will be created and our relationship will have a new depth and clarity. As I wait I know it will be another 1st day of a different life.
Message of a Sociopath
The acrostic message is sickening.
- He or she emotionally harms others, including his children repeatedly, often seeming to do so on purpose.
- After hurting another person, the sociopathic parent acts like it never happened and expects or requires the hurt one to pretend the same.
- She lies or twists the truth or plays the victim in an attempt to deny or deflect responsibility. She freely manipulates people to get her way.https://drjonicewebb.com